Monthly Archives: January 2012

By The Time You Read This, I’ll Be Dead

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Book: By The Time You Read This, I’ll Be Dead by Julie Anne Peters

Publishing Info: Published by Hyperion Book CH; 200 Pages in hardcover

By The Time You Read This, I’ll Be Dead is about a suicidal girl named Daelyn Rice, who’s hoping that her next attempt will be her last.  She spends her free time on through the light, a website for “completers.”

I really liked it.  I was never bullied, but I can certainly understand Daelyn’s feelings and where she’s coming from.  Peters did such a good job with it.

Whenever I see a website (like through the light) mentioned in a book, I always wonder where it goes.  It has a reading guide, resources on where to go for help if you’re feeling depressed or suicidal, and information about both suicide and bullying.

It is a good read, but also a hard one.  I felt so angry at her parents- Daelyn needed help and it seemed like her parents were going through the motions in making sure she didn’t do it again.  And yet they were so clueless; they weren’t completely aware of what was going on in her life.  It’s no wonder she thought they’d be better off without her.  I was also angry at her various teachers and principals because they didn’t seem to do anything to help her.  And don’t even get me started on her classmates!  They were so horrible!

We got such insight into how she actually felt.  She didn’t talk, and I thought it was a good move on Peters’ part because we got to see Daelyn’s thoughts and feelings, instead of what she thought she felt.  The writing was so simple, and as the book goes on, the sentences go from short and terse to long and sophisticated.

The ending was pretty ambiguous, and you’re left wondering whether she attempted suicide and was successful in her attempt.  I thought it was a pretty good ending, and I like that the reader gets to decide for themselves what happens.  It really could go either way.  At the same time, it was slightly irritating, and I’m not sure why.  Maybe because it felt like the easy way out, but at least Peters didn’t have Daelyn decide she didn’t want to go through with it after all, because that wouldn’t have been realistic.

I give it 4 stars out of 5.  I thought it was pretty realistic and well-done.

Music To Work Out To

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I like listening to music when I’m at the gym.  And while I’m sometimes in the mood for listening to random music, I usually stick with my workout playlist.  I thought I’d share some of the songs on that playlist.

  •  Ice Ice Baby is one of the more random songs, but there is a purpose to it’s inclusion.  It keeps me going and distracts me from how much time I have left because I’m too busy trying not to start rapping.
  • Forever by Chris Brown.  It’s fun, but other than that, I have no clue why it’s on there.
  • Airplanes by B.o.B.  This is a good song for the end of my workout when I’m tired and wanted to stop.
  • Pretty much every Ke$ha song I own.  Her stuff is pretty energetic.
  • Fear by Stop Making Friends.  Another good song for when I start feeling a little tired and want to stop after 10 minutes.

Looking at that list, I feel like it’s missing a few songs, so I may have update it!

The Language Of Flowers

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Book: The Language Of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh

Publishing Info: Published by Ballantine Books; 336 pages in Hardcover

The Language Of Flowers is about 18-year-old Victoria Jones, who has spent her whole life going from foster home to group home.  She has an incredibly hard time getting close to people, and using flowers is her way of communicating.  After leaving the system, she sleeps in a park until she gets a job assisting a local florist.  She comes across someone from her past and wonders if she should start opening up.

I didn’t like it nearly as much as I thought.  I just couldn’t care about Victoria, and didn’t find her likeable.  I felt bad for her, since she was abandoned at the tender age of 3 weeks and spent her whole life in and out of foster homes.  But there were people who clearly cared for her, and it’s hard to see why, when she did her best to shut them out of her life.

The aspect of communicating through flowers, with their own hidden meanings, was interesting, but it got tedious to read about the meaning of flowers after a while.

It started off well, when we get introduced to Victoria and see her life right after leaving the foster care system.  Shifting between the present and her time in one of her foster homes didn’t work for me, but Elizabeth (one of her foster moms) seemed to have an impact on Victoria’s life.  It starting going downhill about halfway through, when Victoria gets pregnant.  She tries to take care of her unnamed baby (after having it completely off-grid) but ends up leaving her child her father’s house.  But it turns out that he couldn’t handle taking care of a child either, so he gives the child to Elizabeth, who turns out to be his aunt, and the woman who would have adopted Victoria, had she not set Elizabeth’s vineyard on fire and lied about Elizabeth abusing her.

It was hard for me to care about what happened to Victoria or muster any kind of sympathy when she seems hellbent on leaving people in the wake of her 0wn self-destruction.  And when she seems to only care about her own burgeoning flower business.

And the ending!  It wrapped a little too nicely, with Victoria deciding to give raising her daughter another chance.  It didn’t seem to fit the character, and for me, it was far too random to make much sense.

I have to give it a 1 out of 5.  I couldn’t connect with any of the characters and it’s just not for me.

Dreaming Of Stores

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It’s been a while since I’ve shared some of my dreams, so I think it’s time to share some.

I’ve had a few dreams over the last few weeks where I’ve been shopping in grocery stores.  Once in a while it’s Wal-Mart, but mostly grocery stores.

I don’t need a dream dictionary to tell me that it could mean that I’m looking for something I don’t have.  Apparently a large and/or well-stocked market means there are possibilities and choices…which I have and really need to narrow down…

Dreams are interesting things, and they can tell us a lot.  I guess my subconscious is trying to tell me that I need to make sure that I’m okay and am a happy and fulfilled person.  It won’t be easy, of course, but these things usually aren’t…right?

In the spirit of self-love, I suppose I should do some sort of contract or something.  I don’t want to go into this blind, and while I have some thoughts on what self-love means, I feel like I need to have a plan…some things that I NEED to work on and achieve this year.  I will work on that over the next week.

It really is amazing what a dream can set in motion.  Although it’s something I really should have been working on in the first place.

I can’t think of anything else, so enjoy your weekend!

Still Alice: A Novel

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Book: Still Alice: A Novel by Lisa Genova

Publishing Info: Published by iUniverse, Inc; 292 Pages in Paperback

Still Alice is about Alice Howland, a professor at Harvard.  While out on a run, she gets lost and realizes she can’t remember how to get home, even though it’s the same route she’s been running for years.  After a few medical tests and visits to a couple doctors, she is diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s.

What happens next is her slow and inevitable loss of memory and all connections to reality.  We learn about Alzheimer’s and experience it through Alice’s eyes.

This is such an amazing book.  It’s rare that I even get misty-eyed when I read a book, much less cry by the end of it.  But knowing what Alice had forgotten and how shut out she felt was so heartbreaking.  It read very much like it was written by the relative of someone with Alzheimer’s disease.

I loved how the book was written: Alice’s story was told very simply and beautifully.  I have no connections to Alzheimer’s disease at all, but it still hit home.  It could happen to anyone, and I really felt that throughout the book.

It’s so well-done, and it’s not something that I’ll forget anytime soon.  The praise on the back cover were dead-on.  I think this is a must-read.  It gets a 5 out of 5.

Because I Am Furniture

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Book: Because I Am Furniture by Thalia Chaltas

Publishing Info: Published by Viking Juvenile: 352 Pages in Hardcover

Because I Am Furniture is the heartbreaking story of Anke, who is witness the abuse that her sister and brother suffer at the hands of their father.  Anke is ignored, and feels very much like a piece of furniture.  Through her time on the volleyball team, she learns to speak up and finds the voice she thought she didn’t have.

I really liked it.  The thing I thought was most interesting was that the entire book was told in poems.  It was refreshing to see Anke’s thoughts just spilling out onto the page, but at the same time, I felt like I was just an observer.  The poetry made it really easy to follow but it also added a certain complexity to it.

The ending felt a little rushed, and it would have been nice to see what happened to her dad, her friend Angeline, and a couple other people mentioned in the book.

Overall, it was realistic and very emotional.  I give it a 4 out of 5.

The Year Of Self-Love

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I settled on a word, and it is self-love.  I had some trouble coming up with a list of words, and then I remembered that I had bookmarked this link.  Granted, it’s a few years old, but it had a long list of words that I borrowed from.

It was hard to narrow it down to one, but the nice thing about self-love is that it does encompass a lot of the other words I liked.

The whole idea of self-love has really clicked over the last week or so, and it will definitely be a priority this year.  It’s sad that it wasn’t, and isn’t, but right now, the need to work on the self-love is very strong.  I really liked this one post from The Lettered Cottage that talks about the blogger’s word of the year.

So what does self-love mean to me?

For one thing, taking care of myself physically and emotionally.  Eating well and exercising.  Not being so hard on myself.

Accepting that I don’t need to be perfect, that it’s okay to have faults.  Accepting that it’s okay to mess up every once in a while, and that mistakes don’t mean I’m a failure at life.  That it’s okay to take care of myself.  Letting go of fear and indecision.

Okay, so, this post makes me want to cry.  It’s very hard for me to even think about this, and writing it down…makes it very real.  I think a resolution word will be a good thing, because I can make it as specific or as broad as I want.  Specific enough so that I’m not winging it, but broad enough to give me some wiggle-room.

I will be sharing my progress at least once every 1-2 weeks, so we’re going to be getting a lot more personal over the next year!

The Last Wife Of Henry VIII

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Book: The Last Wife Of Henry VIII by Carolly Erickson

Publishing Info: Published by St. Martin’s Press; 326 pages in hardcover

The Last Wife Of Henry VIII is about Catherine Parr, Henry’s 6th, and last, wife.

It’s an interesting novel, but I feel like it could have been a little longer.  Erickson pretty much glossed over different events from Catherine’s life, and it went by far too quickly.  I would have liked more of her marriage to Henry, since it is titled The Last Wife Of Henry VIII, but no such luck.

I love the people and all, and Tudor England is one of my favorite historical periods ever, but I couldn’t get into it.  However, it was interesting to see the court and Henry’s other wives through the eyes of Catherine.  It just wasn’t as interesting as I thought it would be, given she was one of two wives (the other being Anne of Cleves) to survive Henry relatively unscathed.  Erickson’s version was a tad boring for me, but she is free to write her as she sees fit.

There certainly was not a lot of detail about clothing or food or what the different castles and homes looked like.  It would have made the book feel more real and give the book some life.

Overall, it gets a 3 out of 5.  While not bad or amazing, it was a good, enjoyable read.

An Inspirational And Uplifting Playlist

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I didn’t listen to anything new last week, mainly because I was trying to catch up on podcasts.

Instead, I will be sharing some songs that are on my inspirational/uplifting podcast, one that has an astounding 85 songs.  It usually puts me in a good mood whenever I need some cheering up, or whenever I feel inspired or happy.

  • So Small by Carrie Underwood: I love this song, and it deserves its spot on the playlist.  I can’t put my finger on why it puts me in a good mood, but it does.
  • You Gotta Be by Des’ree: It always cheers me up, and I always feel like things will be okay.
  • Walk You Home by Karmina: This song is good at reminding me that it’s okay to ask for help sometimes.
  • Lovely by Sara Haze: When I’m being hard on myself, this is one of the first songs I go to.  It’s a good reminder that I’m fine the way I am and that I don’t need to change myself to make other people happy.
  • I Don’t Want To Be by Gavin DeGraw: Another favorite for when I’m hard on myself.  Basically, I like it for the same reason for the I like Lovely.

I think that wraps it up for today, so have a great day!

Delirium

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Book: Delirium by Lauren Oliver

Publishing Info: 441; Hardcover; Published by HarperTeen

Delirium is set in Portland, Oregon, and is about a society that believes love (deliria) needs to be cured because of the problems it causes for society.  The government demands that everyone gets cured when they’re 18, because it doesn’t work on anyone under the age of 18.  Lena has looked foward to it, until she mets Alex 3 months before she’s supposed to be cured.

I liked it, and found the idea that love is a disease that has been (mostly) eradicated very interesting.  It seemed like everyone feared love, but I myself didn’t feel very scared of love at all.

I loved that the chapters were headed by nursery rhymes, playground chants, schoolbooks, government pamhplets and The Book Of SHHH, amongst other things. 

One thing I’m curious about, and something that wasn’t fully explained, was why love is considered a disease, and how they cure it.  It’s surgery- I think brain surgery- but other than that, we don’t know the specifics.  Perhaps it will be revealed in one of the other books in the series?  It’s mentioned what the symptoms of deliria are, but nothing about why it’s considered bad…and almost contagious. 

It gets a 3 out of 5.  It’s very imaginative and clever, and Oliver does have a way with words.  But there was something missing from it.  Still, I’m intrigued enough to read the next one.